When’s the last time you felt really good about yourself?

Pat the body. I never eat butter without thinking of my friend Annette. She’s half French and wholly sexy. Brunette, like Bridget Bardot with brown hair, Annette is petite and voluptuous, the possessor of a lacy voice and impeccable diction. She has a wicked laugh, great posture, and an aura of understated class and savoir faire.Men drop their forks in restaurants when she walks by, prompting kicks under the table from unattended dinner dates. Believe me, Annette is the … [Read more...]

Good Will Driving, Sometimes Flying

The woman in the silver Buick in the turn lane held a tight grip on the wheel. She looked straight ahead, seemed pensive. I’d been feeling that way too, lately, that fear thing. It had been messing with me. So I messed with the woman. I rolled forward a few feet, sending intense brainwaves like an auger to her temple—look over here, lady. Just look over here. By now, I was boring a hole through the side of her face, as Libby and Lou sat looking like the two old men in … [Read more...]

Shop Worn

This whole thing thing started with a rotten pair of panty hose. I mean this in the most literal sense. It progressed to a broken shoe, revisiting a broken heart and spun out of control at 30,000 feet into full-fledged melancholy about turning 59. Yep, I said it, secret’s out. So, today’s my birthday. Happy Birthday to me. I’m glad I was born. But recent days have been fraught with menacing little jabs, reminding me that officially starting today, I have one more year … [Read more...]

How We Rolled

I’m taking my dog on a road trip. Not a short one, a long one. It’ll be about 8,400 miles, more or less, by the time we get back home. Lord knows what I’ll find when I return. I planted drought-resistant flowers just to hedge my bets. I hope they make it, because we’re going. I’m quitting my job and Libby and I are going. I may run out of gas, fall on my ass and not even make it home, but we’re going. Off the Leash It’s Libby’s fault. She started it. Her acceptance of … [Read more...]

Through the Cracked Windshield of My Life

Who needs a muse, when you've got Walmart? The dogs and I went to run errands this afternoon. I needed a lint roller to get rid of the dog hair on my coat, from taking the dogs with me to run errands. I also needed a trash can with a lid to keep said dogs from digging chicken carcasses out of the trash.  Back when I was a starving writer, two weeks ago, I had purchased some light bulbs at Walmart. They didn't fit the socket. Lint roller, trash can and exchanging the … [Read more...]

Off the Leash Featured in First Book Review Publication!

Maybe it's the Texas connection, maybe it's the dog, hell, maybe it's the odyssey, (I didn't make that shit up, you know, about the musicians on the highway, the three of spades floating in the stream, the Jean sign telling me to "kindly park....") but I'm so excited to tell you that Off the Leash is being featured in the February edition of  Shelf Unbound.  It's a  book review magazine which reaches more than 125,000 readers in the United States and 56 countries … [Read more...]

Death By Girdle

Name one person in this country who isn't in the "eat less, work out more" mind set at this very juncture. Okay, maybe Keira Knightley. The vast majority of us are experiencing post-seasonal guilt. So when I got back a batch of photos that my son had taken over the Christmas holiday, it was another nail in the coffin, or cookie tin. Don't get me wrong, I actually really like this photo because it shows off my new $40 couch I bought at Goodwill (I'm serious) and I do … [Read more...]

Because We Still Can

It was the damn bells. Those annoying, clanging, anxiety inducing bells being rung by well-intentioned bell ringers manning their battle stations at every grocery and drug store in town got on my last nerve during this most recent, most wonderful time of the year. It continues to creep up on us, you know, the “holiday season.” No time to savor autumn, we skip right past the maroons, golds and browns of harvest, and leap from jackolantern’s to Santas on the front porch. … [Read more...]

Son of Mine

Carrie Fisher was the host of Saturday Night Live that night. The Blues Brothers did Soul Man. It was a nice diversion while it lasted, seeing how I was in the grips of labor with my first baby, a paltry four or five centimeters, or some ridiculously insufficient degree of dilation to get the job done. Carrie came back out on stage, linking arms with Gilda, Jane, John, Bill, Garrett, Dan, and Lorraine. These were the glory days of SNL. Lorne Michaels came out. The … [Read more...]

First Best Seller List, I’ll Take It!

Hey ! It might just be the independent book sellers in St. Louis, but I'm bustin' at the seams to let y'all know Off the Leash made the best seller's list this week, coming in at number four!! I am like, SO happy about this! I even beat out Tony La Russa's book, ha! ADULTS 1. “Silenced Majority” • Amy Goodman 2. “Triangles” • Ellen Hopkins 3. “I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats” • Francesco Marciuliano 4. “Off the Leash” • Jean Ellen Whatley 5. “The … [Read more...]