The young woman in the ladies room was washing her armpits with a damp paper towel. She tossed it in the trash, then waved her hand in front of the sensor, twice. Double load. She tore it off, ran warm water over the paper, wrung it out, and swabbed her underarms again. Helluva time for your deodorant to fail. By the time I came out of the stall, she had put her houndstooth blazer back on and was reapplying her lipstick. Confidence restored. It’s been a long time … [Read more...]
Jet Fighters or National Parks – You Make the Call
September 27, 2014 By
How could I have been so disdainful? Almost hateful. Normally, I’d just gun it, all 427 miles, like being forced to sit through a PowerPoint before you get the free steak dinner from the timeshare pitchman. Who could blame me? I’m spoiled. My life has been rooted in some stunning landscapes. They don’t call New Mexico the “Land of Enchantment” for nothing. I have lived in Albuquerque, Lake Tahoe, Key West, San Francisco and Virginia Beach. Coastal Carolina? Oh, … [Read more...]
Grab Ahold
August 22, 2014 By
I fell down in the middle of the street in Brooklyn one time. Broad daylight, busy intersection. I’m clumsy that way. Okay, I was looking at my phone and I tripped. Down goes Whatley. Fell hard on my knees, elbows, chin, my cell phone bounced off the asphalt and scittered away, further into the street. “Mamí, Mamí,” a man standing in the doorway of a corner grocery comes running to help me up. “Mamí, are you okay?” He reaches down with muscular arms. I grab ahold. He … [Read more...]
Overstimulated at the Airport Bar
February 5, 2013 By
Logan International - Boston, February 5, 2013 TV monitors everywhere.Hillary in the flippy-do debuted her new website today. Pundits pounce. Pakistan is erecting a theme park near Bin Laden’s former lair,amusement by any other name. Pat Boone’s become a pitchman for geriatric bathtubs. Get a grip, sister. Your old man is only draggin’ you into the tub cause you stinky.He’s not trying to drown you.Portugese water dogs, oh man! Obama! No fear of going under there, cept’ … [Read more...]
No Ruts In Our Shoulders
January 14, 2013 By
My friend and I were laughing smugly the other night about being Kate Hudson-like when it comes to our endowment -- modest. That's okay with us, less gravitational pull you know and no disfigurement from overburdened bra straps. Then I read a comment this morning from Sioux, a reader who had commented on my Death By Girdle post. It reminded me of something I wrote three years ago, about the unblinking truth of the YMCA locker room, which seems particularly prescient … [Read more...]
Lovers, Brothers and Democrats
November 6, 2012 By
***This is an essay I submitted to Salon.*** Probably too late and too long, but I wanted to share with my readers.*** I’ve got that tingly feeling. Not the way you feel when you’re about to speak in front of an audience, not the way you feel when the house lights go down, or just before that first kiss, this tingly feeling is limited to my left arm. It’s tingling all the way from my elbow down to my pinky finger, where it stops, because there is no sensation there, at … [Read more...]
Nothing Like Some Funk
October 26, 2012 By
I knew it was a good omen when the lead-in to my interview on KTRS, THE BIG 550 A.M. was The Average White Band's, Pick Up the Pieces. When you get an extra fourteen minutes, (I understand that's a lot) give a listen to a fun interview, tragic backstory notwithstanding, to the interview I did on Thursday with St. Louis radio host, McGraw Milhaven. After you click on the link, click on the AUDIO tat, and it's the show dated 10-25-12. Just click the right arrow on … [Read more...]
Plunging Necklines? No Need!
October 24, 2012 By
You know that old saying, "you've got a face for radio?" I'll be applying the pipes come tomorrow morning on The McGraw Show on KTRS, The BIG 550, A.M. in St. Louis. I will be on the air in the 9:00 hour, probably close to 9:15 -- 9:20. McGraw Milhaven and his producer, Frank Ladd have graciously asked me back to be on McGraw's show, after being the first radio station in St. Louis to feature Libby and I, on the VERY day we embarked ( all puns intended) on our road trip … [Read more...]
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